{"id":493,"date":"2011-05-25T03:04:12","date_gmt":"2011-05-25T03:04:12","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/michelledevon.com\/?p=493"},"modified":"2021-01-02T03:09:11","modified_gmt":"2021-01-02T03:09:11","slug":"493","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/michelledevon.com\/index.php\/2011\/05\/25\/493\/","title":{"rendered":"The Blind Can’t See ~or~ I’m Not an Elephant"},"content":{"rendered":"

John Godfre<\/strong>y Saxe\u2019s ( 1816-1887) version of the famous Indian legend,<\/strong><\/span><\/em>
\n\u201cIt was six men of Indostan, To learning much inclined, Who went to see the Elephant, (Though all of them were blind), That each by observation, Might satisfy his mind.<\/em><\/p>\n

The\u00a0First\u00a0approach\u2019d the Elephant, And happening to fall Against his broad and sturdy side, At once began to bawl: \u201cGod bless me! but the Elephant Is very like a wall!\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

The\u00a0Second, feeling of the tusk, Cried, -\u201cHo! what have we here So very round and smooth and sharp? To me \u2019tis mighty clear, This wonder of an Elephant Is very like a spear!\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

The\u00a0Third\u00a0approached the animal, And happening to take The squirming trunk within his hands, Thus boldly up and spake: \u201cI see,\u201d quoth he, \u201cthe Elephant Is very like a snake!\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

The\u00a0Fourth\u00a0reached out his eager hand, And felt about the knee. \u201cWhat most this wondrous beast is like Is mighty plain,\u201d quoth he, \u201c\u2018Tis clear enough the Elephant Is very like a tree!\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

The\u00a0Fifth, who chanced to touch the ear, Said: \u201cE\u2019en the blindest man Can tell what this resembles most; Deny the fact who can, This marvel of an Elephant Is very like a fan!\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

The\u00a0Sixth\u00a0no sooner had begun About the beast to grope, Then, seizing on the swinging tail That fell within his scope, \u201cI see,\u201d quoth he, \u201cthe Elephant Is very like a rope!\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

And so these men of Indostan Disputed loud and long, Each in his own opinion, Exceeding stiff and strong, Though each was partly in the right, And all were in the wrong!<\/em><\/p>\n

MORAL: So oft in theologic wars, The disputants, I ween, Rail on in utter ignorance Of what each other mean,\u00a0And prate about an Elephant\u00a0Not one of them has seen!<\/em><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~******************~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

o begins my blog post\u2026 there\u2019s a point to this, sort of.<\/p>\n

I went to the doctor today. It was an endocrinologist that I found online, someone who is reputed in his field, someone younger and more \u2018up\u2019 on current research. It was also someone who had more experience with adrenal insufficiency\u2013a condition I was diagnosed with by another endo several months ago. In fact, I was diagnosed with it based on a three lab tests that all said I was cortisol low. I\u2019ve been on medication for the condition and I feel better on it, not normal, not good, but better.<\/p>\n

But this doctor, after spending over $300 today, tells me he\u2019s absolutely certain there\u2019s NO WAY I have adrenal insufficiency.<\/p>\n

The rheumatologist I saw said I don\u2019t have anything rheumatologically wrong with me. The new endo says there\u2019s something endo wrong with me, but not what the other doc says it is. The PA I see hasn\u2019t a clue what\u2019s wrong with me, but she\u2019s certain it\u2019s not Q, Y or Z.<\/p>\n

In the story of the little poem above, *I* am the elephant, which right now, is sort of ironic, since the endocronologist is trying to tell me that all my problems are because he seems to think I weigh as much as an elephant. That\u2019s not entirely true, but it is sort of how I walked out of his office feeling. That\u2019s never good.<\/p>\n

My point is, I go to a specialist and he says, \u201cIt\u2019s not anything to do with my specialty, \u2019cause the lab tests say so\u2026\u201d then the next doc says, \u201cNope, it\u2019s not me\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

I DON\u2019T WEIGH AS MUCH AS AN ELEPHANT, BUT\u2026<\/strong><\/p>\n

They all are touching one part of the elephant and are telling me it\u2019s this or that, but I have yet to find one single doctor who is willing to sit down and look at me, the whole elephant, and touch each part and look at each symptom and then send me in the right direction.<\/p>\n

The new endo wants to send me to a cardiologist \u2014 even have an appointment with one on Monday \u2014 because he thinks the swelling and edema is, he says, probably related to the heart, liver or kidneys, and since the lab tests all say my liver and kidneys are fine, then it absolutely must be my heart. Because, you know, I\u2019m overweight \u2013 so it can\u2019t possibly be Addison\u2019s or adrenal insufficiency, and since I\u2019m fat, it must be the heart. All fat people are, you know, slobs and lazy and slothenly, have horrible diets and never exercise at all, so we sit around on our fat asses and just watch our hearts get weaker and weaker. Because we don\u2019t ever go to the doctor to get treatment, and we don\u2019t care about ourselves at all.<\/p>\n

Screw the fact multiple doctors have seen me, listened to my heart, measured my blood pressure and even have a CT scan of my heart all of which say it\u2019s completely normal, but no, no, since I\u2019m overweight and my blood pressure is high half the time (ignoring the fact it\u2019s super low the other half the time), then I absolutely must have a heart problem. Oh, and did I mention my blood sugar and cholesterol, triglycerides, and resting pulse are actually better than most of the doctors who treat me.<\/p>\n

So I\u2019ll go to the cardiologist and let him rule out congestive heart failure, the most likely of the problems, and rule out any other problems, and then what? Go back to this endo and shove it in his face and ask him to treat me now?<\/p>\n

BLIND LEADING THE BLIND\u2026<\/strong><\/p>\n

So this new doctor says, \u201cWell, with your weight, the ACTH stimulation test might not be accurate\u2026\u201d and then he said that, \u201cMaybe having been on the steroids, even though you were off of them for months before the test, the test wasn\u2019t accurate\u2026\u201d 10 minutes later, he said, \u201cI want to do another ACTH stimulation test\u2026\u201d Uhm, which is it \u2013 the test isn\u2019t accurate for me or it is? Why send me to do another $500 test when I have no insurance if the test isn\u2019t accurate? He also wants me off my steroids, the only thing that has made life livable the last few months, and he said I didn\u2019t need to bother weaning off of them. Everything we\u2019ve read online says you do not stop taking them cold turkey \u2014 but then, he doesn\u2019t think I have a problem with AI, so he figures no big deal.<\/p>\n

When we tried, with tears in my eyes, to explain to him how miserable life is without the steroids, he said, \u201cWell, I can see this is going to be a problem\u2026\u201d So now he says to stay off the meds for three days before the test, and then I can go back on them. Wait a minute.. a few minutes ago, he said the steroids from months ago might affect the test, but the steroids from three days ago are not a problem?<\/p>\n

I\u2019M NOT STUPID, DOCTOR SAYS SO<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u201cI can tell you\u2019re smart and you do your research\u2026\u201d he says. But I hear, \u201cI can tell you\u2019ve been reading on the internet and are trying to sway this to your favor so you can get steroids because they make you feel good.\u201d<\/p>\n

Then, to confirm my suspicions, he says, \u201cJust because steroids make you feel better doesn\u2019t mean your body needs them or that you\u2019re low in them. You know, cocaine and heroin make people feel better too, but nobody\u2019s body needs cocaine or heroin.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ah, so now I\u2019m a fat, lazy drug seeker. Lovely.<\/p>\n

SO WHY AM I GOING BACK?<\/strong><\/p>\n

At this point, I still think this guy might be the one who will help me figure out what is wrong. And you know why? Not because he cares or is listening to me, but perhaps rather because he\u2019s not. I mean, if he\u2019s so adamant to prove me wrong, then I\u2019m thinking maybe I should let him try. Maybe that is EXACTLY what I need, a doctor who doesn\u2019t believe a word I say and who will throw every test at me to prove me wrong. Because *I* know there\u2019s something wrong and I know he\u2019ll find it if I let him do it.<\/p>\n

But the emotional aspect of that is not going to be easy.<\/p>\n

I don\u2019t know what to do.<\/p>\n

I\u2019ll figure it out, eventually, but right now, today, I\u2019m somewhere between depression and frustration, anger and apathy. Tomorrow is another day, and apparently, anther doctor\u2019s appointment and another $500 bucks, and another needle stick, and and and\u2026<\/p>\n

I just want my life back, is all. Is that really too much to ask?<\/p>\n

Love and stuff,
\nMichy<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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