As most of you know, I’m a writer. I’m working on a particular novel right now with two very strong male characters. When I write, I like to really get a feel for realism, and as such, I have used Ryan and Gregg quite a bit for helping me shape these two characters.

There was one scene in which I had one of the lead male characters in the novel cries. Gregg informed me, “Man, he wouldn’t cry over that shit.”

Humm, okay. That got me to talking to them both as well as a couple of other men about when it is and is not okay for men to cry.

Here’s what I learned:

WHEN MEN CAN CRY

1. Men can cry at a wedding only under three circumstances: a) they are the father of the bride b) they are the one getting married c) one of their buddies is getting married AND they are drunk.

2. Men can cry openly and freely and even accept consolation hugs from other men when their truck gets totaled.

3. Men cannot cry at a bar, ever, unless the following conditions have been met: a) a really hot chick has dumped him AND he has consumed copious amounts of liquor or b) someone very close to him has died AND he has consumed copious amounts of liquor.

4. Men can cry at funerals, however, only if it is someone in their family or a super close buddy. For distant relatives and acquaintances, a man can cry at a funeral only if copious amounts of liquor have been consumed.

5. Men can cry when their child is born. However, they are not allowed to cry at baby showers (if they even go), unless, of course, copious amounts of liquor have been consumed.

6. Men can cry when their dog dies, but only if they were the one who had to shoot it. Otherwise, they can’t cry, that is, unless, of course, copious amounts of liquor have been consumed.

7. Men can cry in front of their girlfriends or wives, as long as it’s certain to get him laid and his buddies will never find out, or when copious amounts of alcohol have been consumed.

8. Men can cry when they are alone, particularly when they are in the shower (guessing the water covers up the tears even from themselves?), but they must not ever tell anyone about having cried, unless it’s their girlfriend or wife, and then only when it will make her think he’s sensitive and get him laid, or when copious amounts of beer has been consumed.

9. Men can cry from laughing too hard, but the tears must be brief and the laughter must continue until the tears are completely dried, so no one possibly mistakes the tears for being anything but tears of roaring laughter.

10. Men can cry when they purchase any of the following dream items: a muscle car, a big-screen television, a fancy boat, a motorcycle, any expensive item that is bound to make all his buddies jealous and make women roll their eyes. The length of time a man is allowed to cry over such purchases is in direct proportion to the amount of alcohol he has consumed.

11. Men can also cry when the repo men come to take away any of the items listed in 10, and there is no alcohol or time restriction placed on these tears. He may mourn their loss for as long as he needs.

12. Men can cry when their girlfriend or wife dumps them, and they are even given a pass to cry in a bar over this one, as long as the following conditions have been met: a) she was hot b) she was good in bed c) she was rich d) he has consumed copious amounts of liquor e) all of the above.

13. When a man gets kicked in the balls, it is acceptable to cry, unless it’s during a fight.

14. A man can cry when pulling nose hairs (though I’m not sure why someone would pull nose hairs anyway.)

15. A man can cry when he legitimately gets something in his eye, however, he is obligated to remove the object and stop the tears as quickly as possible, unless he’s drinking copious amounts of beer and it’s beer in his eye.

16. A man can cry when another man farts in his face, if and only if the methane levels is tear-inducing. Copious amounts of alcohol have been known to induce more methane than normal.

17. ADD YOUR OWN! Tell me in the comments below other times when it is okay for a man to cry, with or without copious amounts of liquor.

WHEN A MAN CAN’T CRY

1. At a movie, unless he’s watching another man get kicked in the balls or having an item in 10 above repossessed, and then tears of understanding are allowed.

2. During sex, unless he can’t get it up.

3. After sex, unless he’s had copious amounts of alcohol or he thinks it might get him laid again.

4. While doing any of the following: hunting, fishing, playing male on male sports, working on cars, building something, watching football (unless his team lost and he had placed a large bet), watching other sports.

5. When he breaks up with a woman. He’ll never get rid of her if he shows any ‘weakness’.

6. Add your own in the comments below.

…..

Now, I have to put a disclaimer: I DON’T BELIEVE ANY OF THIS!

I do believe that real men know how and when to cry and when to refrain too. There are times that tears are important, cleansing and sharing and there is absolutely nothing wrong with a man crying, IMO.

However, these are the stereotypes of our culture, and when writing a novel, if you stray too far from those stereotypes, the writing will not seem realistic.

So I pose the question of you – in our culture, when do YOU think it’s okay and not okay for a ‘real man’ to cry?

Love and stuff,
Michy