I wasn’t ready to say goodbye.<\/p>\n
There was so much more I wanted to do, to share with you. Remember that restaurant in the shopping center where we\u00a0used to always shop? I never took you to that restaurant,\u00a0and I always meant to. Or that pond where the flags are\u00a0placed every year? I wanted to walk hand in hand with you\u00a0and watch those flags fly. There was just so much left I\u00a0wanted to do with you. No, I just wasn’t ready to say\u00a0goodbye.<\/p>\n
I wasn’t ready to say goodbye.<\/p>\n
There was so much more I wanted to tell you, to share with\u00a0you, to show you. You left me alone when I was just getting\u00a0to know you. If I’d known we would never share like this\u00a0again, I’d tell you everything about me that I kept to myself,\u00a0share every feeling and emotion. When you talked about\u00a0yourself, I’d have listened and recorded every word, every\u00a0thought, as though they were as precious as they should\u00a0have been when you were still here, still with me. No, I\u00a0wasn’t ready to say goodbye.<\/p>\n
I wasn’t ready to be alone.<\/p>\n
Alone is something I’ve done and done well, something I was used to being. But knowing what it felt like to know someone\u00a0waited for me, I learned that I did not like being alone as\u00a0much as I once thought. The comfort in knowing someone\u00a0was there to turn to with a funny thought, a joke, or to just sit\u00a0in silence. The comfort of another’s presence. No, I wasn’t\u00a0ready to be alone.<\/p>\n
I wasn’t ready to be alone.<\/p>\n
I was scared and hurt and angry. I just knew my whole world\u00a0would fall apart without you. How would I wake each day,\u00a0alone, unsure of myself, without my support, my fan, my best\u00a0friend? It didn’t matter that I’d been alone before and\u00a0survived. No, I wasn’t ready to be alone.<\/p>\n
I wasn’t ready to be in love.<\/p>\n
You pursued me, loved me, waited for me. You watched me\u00a0go through my own personal hell to understand that which\u00a0still makes no sense. I fought you, argued with you, pushed\u00a0you away, and yet, still you waited while I gave you excuse\u00a0after excuse why this would never work, why I was not\u00a0worthy of the love you gave so freely. No, I wasn’t ready to be in love.<\/p>\n
I wasn’t ready to be in love.<\/p>\n
I didn’t love myself, so how could I ever love you. I hated\u00a0him, hated me, hated life, and was angry at God and the\u00a0universe for the hand I thought it had dealt me, a hand I\u00a0myself chose, but it seemed insane to blame me, so I\u00a0blamed everyone else. I blamed you. No, I wasn’t ready to\u00a0be in love.<\/p>\n
Then one day, something changed.<\/p>\n
I said goodbye.<\/p>\n
I let go, and with that one simple word \u2018Goodbye\u2019 the world\u00a0opened up to me and I knew that I wasn’t alone, not if I didn’t\u00a0want to be, but I also knew that if I had to be, I could be. So I\u00a0reached out to that which had waited so patiently. The\u00a0universe aligned for me once again and brought me\u00a0everything I needed.<\/p>\n
Nothing made me ready…<\/p>\n
I chose. I choose.<\/p>\n
It’s my choice.<\/p>\n
It always has been. I just couldn’t see it, didn’t believe it.<\/p>\n
I chose to say goodbye, and when I did, I was ready to say\u00a0goodbye. Goodbye, my friend, my heart, goodbye, and\u00a0though part of me hurt, it was the best feeling, the right\u00a0feeling for me at the time.\u00a0I chose to be alone, and when I did, I was ready to be alone.\u00a0I like who I am, when I’m alone with myself. I like my life, my\u00a0choices, my heart.\u00a0I chose to be in love, and when I did, I was ready to be in\u00a0love. And to you, my love, the one with whom I have shared\u00a0my heart and committed my life, when I chose to love you, Imade that choice willingly, and I was ready to be in love.<\/p>\n
In life it all comes down to choice\u2014the right to choose, the\u00a0freedom to choose.<\/p>\n
When we feel most helpless in our lives is when we feel we have no choices or do not like the choices we feel we do\u00a0have. In reality, we have an infinite, unlimited supply of\u00a0choices, and for the most part, we even get to choose what\u00a0our choices are.<\/p>\n
This doesn’t mean we can ‘control’ every little thing that\u00a0happens to us.\u00a0What it does mean is that when things happen beyond our\u00a0control, we choose how we react, we choose how we\u00a0respond, we choose how we will feel, and everything else\u00a0will come into alignment behind those choices we make, the\u00a0thoughts most prominent in our minds, and the feelings\u00a0closest to our hearts.<\/p>\n
We create our own reality through these choices. We choose\u00a0our destiny. We can\u2019t always determine what is thrown at us,\u00a0but we always get to choose how we deal with that which is\u00a0thrown at us.<\/p>\n
Choice.<\/p>\n
A powerful word, that one.<\/p>\n
It\u2019s all about choice.<\/p>\n
I chose. I continue to choose.<\/p>\n
And because of that, I am ready\u2026<\/p>\n
\u2026I am always ready, for anything that comes my way.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I wasn’t ready to say goodbye. There was so much more I wanted to do, to share with you. Remember that restaurant in the shopping center where we\u00a0used to always shop? I never took you to that restaurant,\u00a0and I always meant to. Or that pond where the flags are\u00a0placed every year? I wanted to walk […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":291,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-289","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"yoast_head":"\n