I was talking to my mom on the phone tonight, discussing the deficits I’ve suffered since having three strokes. I realize in some things, I’m quite ordinary or even poor at doing some things, but there were certain things in my life I was exceptional at. And now, in those things, I am but ordinary.

And ordinary isn’t bad.. But it’s not exceptional, either, and when you’re used to one, learning the other sucks.

I’ll give you an example. My average –AVERAGE – typing speed, with zero errors, used to be about 120 words per minute. I could type about as fast as a persson talked normally, as fast as I could think the words. After the strokes, I now type around 60 to   70 words per minute with mistakes here and there.

That’s actually faster than most people type. But I WAS exceptional. Now, I struggle to be ordinary and it’s  not easy. It hurts, and my hands cramp up and tremor. Which affects my thinking, which makes writing hard.

Then there’s the aphasia. Not being able to come up with the right word. Sure, I can  substitute another word, but I’m a writer! It affects my writing!

But a neurologist is going to look at his parameters (I had to pause to come up with that word) and they are going to say there’s  no deficit. I’m perfectly…. ordinary.

But I was exceptional.

Have i lost all the ways I used to be exceptional before I even realized I was exceptional? It has been a year since the strokes and I have still not sat in front of my piano….Ryan tells me I should, that it would be good therapy for me, but I was good. What if I’m not anymore. What if I can’t play. What if I’m ordinary and I’ve lost that too.

We all have exceptional things about us. I need to discover what makes me exceptional now because ordinary doesn’t work for me! I crave  more!

What makes you exceptional?

I love and need you all,

Michy