Don’t mistake my generosity with altruism. It’s not.
There are very selfish motives behind every generous act I perform. I do it for me, not for you. This is my heart, my soul, and my life I am saving—not yours.
If it benefits you, then so be it, and better the world for two souls saved, but don’t mistake what I do as wanting anything better for you, because this I do for me.
Don’t mistake my forgiveness as a gift I’ve given you. It’s not.
Forgiveness is that gift you give yourself when you are ready to let go of the anger and pain inside, not a present hand wrapped in ribbons and bows that says I reconcile my life with yours.
I forgive you inside of me. I do not extend that gift to you, unless you choose to see it’s there and that means something to you, but don’t expect anything from me because of it. Don’t think this changes anything, because this too I do for me.
Don’t mistake my love as something we can share. It’s not.
The love I hold inside is only to ease my pain for having been a fool, a means to prove that time wasn’t wasted, there was a purpose, and that even this happened for a reason. I no more give you my heart than I give you anything else I own or ever will own, because the love inside of me is not for you. It’s for me.
Don’t mistake my silence as weakness. It’s not.
It takes more strength from me every day to keep what I have to say inside than it ever would to share it. In fact, if there is any gift I do give to you, it is the gift of my silence, because if you really think about what I could say, what I could tell, the truths I could expose, you would be thankful for this gift I do give you. But I don’t stay silent for you; I do that for me.
What I feel, I feel for me, and it is not for you to share. It is mine and mine alone, and I can choose with whom I share this. My choice is that it’s not for you, but for me.
Don’t think because you read the words I write or hear the songs I play that I am sharing any part of the real me with you. I’m not. Very few will ever know me, and you do not know me. You may think you do, but what I choose to share with the world, you of all people should know, is not me. Now, that is all you have too. Still, I don’t do that for you, but for me.
No, you don’t know me…
You think you do, but the truth is, you never did, and you never will. And that’s okay, because that’s the way it needs to be, for me, and you.
No, you don’t know me…
